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James Banogon

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

The Top 100 Things I’d Do If I Ever Become An Evil Overlord

Posted on January 11, 2011 in Humor

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them.

7. When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him then say “No.”

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled “Danger: Do Not Push”. The big red button marked “Do Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
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Guidelines in building a Hollywood operating system

Posted on January 10, 2010 in Humor

1. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

2. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

3. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

4. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a backup file — and there are no undelete utilities. Corollary: Deleting a file instantly removes all copies of said file from disks, memory, frame buffers and caches across all computers in the universe.

5. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

6. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it’ll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms.

7. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren’t labeled.

8. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

9. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY.

10. Whenever a character looks at a terminal, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.
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Microsoft is afraid of Linux?

Posted on August 5, 2009 in Technology

Microsoft has long taken too lightly Linux as a desktop challenger. But the latest filing with the Security and Exchange Commission has the company acknowledging for the first time that Linux signifies a major threat to Windows.

News indicate that in Microsoft’s latest yearly filing with the SEC, it listed for the first time Ubuntu’s producer Canonical, and Linux distributor Red Hat as competitors to its Client division, which makes most of Windows. In the past, Red Hat was listed but merely as a competitor to its Business and Server & Tools divisions. Read the rest of this entry »

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Google will acquire Adobe Flash codecs?

Posted on August 5, 2009 in Technology

Google confirmed today that it plans to acquire digital video compression company On2 Technologies in an all-stock contract, valued at $106.5m.

Mountain View said that On2 shareholders will be given 60 cents worth of Google class A common shares for each outstanding share they have in the company.

Based in Clifton Park, New Jersey, On2 employs around 60 individuals. It began as the Duck Corporation in 1992. Read the rest of this entry »

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iPhone update reveals next iPod Touch + iProd?

Posted on August 5, 2009 in Technology

Apple’s impending iPhone OS 3.1 firmware update will give a few new features like increased application programming interface support and a number of bug fixes. After the 3rd beta of iPhone OS 3.1 SDK was out, a software developer tipped Ars Technica with information that the updated USBConfiguration.plist contained particulars about Apple’s upcoming unidentified device dubbed as iProd and also the next generation iPod Touch. The proof of the unknown Apple product dubbed iProd originally came up in March this year when Apple seeded the iPhone OS 3.0 beta software development kits to developers. Read the rest of this entry »

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